Saturday, December 15, 2012

Achilles Heels

"Haters are always searching for their victims' perceived 
Achilles heels.
My advice is to own the charientisms. 
It succeeds in disarming and thwarting."  

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Visual Choices

"A chatter redundantly tells me in many moronic ways
that I am quite ugly and he references 
my looks in an unflattering manner. 
He seems obsessed with my physical appearance and 
he is fixated on me like an energizer bunny.
I am flattered I am so eyeball worthy."

"He has no ravishing beauty in his home 
he can gaze upon for hours as another more pleasing option?
Awww, poor guy." 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Hard Conclusions

"A chatter said that I think I am better than others. 
Well, based on the comments they post.... 
I don't have to be in Mensa to form that conclusion."

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Cyber Play Dates

"It takes two willing participants to create a cyber play date."


"There are ways to prevent names on the computer
 from talking to you or typing comments for you to see." 

"Stop entering cyber places where they congregate and 
do not cross lines to enter areas where the activity is going on."

"It's a self-created cyber order of protection and 
the imposed cyber restraining order 
gets rid of them."

"You have served them with a cyber gag order
because their comments are no longer visible to you,
and when they and their comments are 
no longer visible to you...
they are gone. "

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Cyber Analysts

"People on the computer who never even met me 
love telling me I am 'crazy,' 'egocentric,' and a 'sociopath...'
and they validate their conclusions with non sequiturs.
They recommend 'meds' for the perceived conditions.

"It's interesting... because in all my over 30 years of 
steady and respected employment I was never 
even considered for a mental disability pension."

"Are cyber analysts the new qualified legal expert opinions?"

Rocket Science

"When people spend hours on a computer obsessively trying hard to 
annoy me, I conclude they have no significant other or spouse 
and perhaps have real life social anxieties." 

"If I am wrong, I am happy to conclude I am 
more important and get more attention."

"The time spent on me sadly speaks volumes about the 
quality of those real time relationships. 
I am so much more worthy of a visual focus." 

"Then, there are those who believe I think I am better than they. 
Well, based on the juvenile crap they post... 
my opinions are not a difficult conclusion." 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Hoisted By Their Own Petards

"The computer seems to attract people who spend hours of 
their own personal time trying to annoy others.
They type comments that appear to be 
vitriolic, vituperative, and vilifying.
They lick their chops as they try to go for the jugular while
thriving on dopey cyber intrigues.  
And they gather in social peer groups that
create quite a cyber peanut gallery.
They all deserve each other." 

"The demographic seems to be as good as it can get for them. 
It's like a meeting of Lucy's Friends of the Friendless." 

"An addiction to that redundant and relentless 
zero impact idiotic activity is 
punishment for them... better than jail."

"The activity hoists them by their own petards."

Monday, December 3, 2012

An Online Kook Watch

"All over the internet, I observe cyber interactions 
that are filled with childish inane banter and material that appears 
to be written by puerile and sophomoric posters 
with easily diagnosed transparent arrested development 
and unresolved angers that are 
transferred and displaced in babyish ways.

Chatters type: 'You mad bro?' as if that line empowers 
and makes them winners in some perceived online conflict. 

They are nothing more than Don Quixotes... and to the extent 
that I totally and consistently ignore it, 
I might be eligible for admission into Mensa." 

Sunday, December 2, 2012

It's Not Rocket Science

"If it was maybe possible for me to believe you did not do any 
of the things which CAUSED the rift, 
it is always your behavior AFTER these fallings out 
that confirms I was correct to place separations between us."

"My instincts are always proven correct and 
my actions are validated beyond any reasonable doubt."

Hey There, Lonely Girl

"Trolls on a computer assume because I am alone... I am 'lonely.'
I presume they are married or living with a significant other.

However, instead of spending quality time with 
their dear beloved family, 
they choose to spend their valuable personal time 
within their days attempting to annoy me. 

It is sad when you do not live alone and are really 'lonely.'
Who are the pathetic ones in these cyber dynamics?"

Struttin' Stuff

"Wherever I go, I always draw attention. 
I must cause flashbacks and I definitely am a trigger.

People sweat me and cannot get over me:
and I am walking around this city and 'struttin' stuff.' 

I recommend they go to be deprogrammed in a rehab 
and enter a hyperbaric chamber. 

Maybe then they can develop a more self-involved focus."

Cyber Restraining Orders

"I had to take out a cyber order of protection 
against an internet sociopath. 
He was more obsessed with me than Hedra was 
with Allison in SINGLE WHITE FEMALE."

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Long Winded

on cyber roasts: 

"I do not understand how people can spend so much of their time on a computer engaging in what I consider to be nonproductive low level nonsense. When I was younger, I would not have spent two minutes of my time in childish behavior that was so moronic, foolish, juvenile, and imbecilic. It is so non proactive. Where in life does that get you?"

"Do ridiculous and ludicrous insults bother me? No. I know who I am and I have excellent self-esteem. But regardless... when chatters attempt to ridicule me it speaks volumes about the respect they have for me and the trust I have going forward for them. I do not want to be in rooms where that goes on because I personally do not enjoy it on any level. I do not enjoy sites where all day the members try to harass people in babyish ways. I do not find it amusing or entertaining. People need to respect boundaries and not cross lines and follow polite protocol. Nobody I know in my life interacts in puerile ways. We are supportive of each other." 

"Am I mad? No. I understand this goes on all over the internet but I choose to remove that activity from impacting my purview and I do not enable people who engage in that activity because I don't want to see it or be part of it. Do those decisions to distance people who have tried over and over to annoy me make me 'mentally disturbed?' No... I think my decisions make me 'smart.'

"Seriously, are these 12 year olds? I am supposed to relate on what level to idiotic cyber sophomoric nonsense? I spent my time when I was their age studying for two Masters degrees during a teaching career..."

"Blah blah blah and shma shma shma...."

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Classics from the Ages

"Is that line supposed to bother me? 
OK, I shall enable and validate you: Ouch."

"I am digging that TYPED line but YOU can talk to the hand." 

"I love those insults because I thrive on self-effacing humor."

"My teeth are yellow? OK.
They are like a sublime vision of hot butter on cold snow." 

Something to Talk About

"They say I am a self-involved egocentric mental case. 
Yippee! I must have reached entelechy!"

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Disarming Juvenile Moronic Provocations

"I was told I am quite old, severely ugly, and horrifically boring... 
within a quotidian and litany of other droll affronts 
that were intended to go for the jugular and cause great anguish."

"I replied: Tell me something I DON'T know.
I do not suffer fools or enable imbecilic drivel."

Chasing Highbrow

"I try to engage in a conversation that reflects a 
sophisticated dynamic of verbosity. 
I receive replies that appear to be sophomoric driven. 

The dynamic is so disappointing."

Slow on the Uptake

"On January 4th 2010, I told a chatter I was not interested 
in hearing I have yellow teeth and am ugly and old." 

"On November 23rd 2012, the cyber energizer bunny typed 
I have yellow teeth and am ugly and old."

 "He is a bit slow on the uptake."

Friday, November 23, 2012

The Work Out

"I never do the treadmill, the only exercise I ever 
do is lifting a fork to my mouth." 

© 2012 marjorie-cartoons

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Mellow Yellow

"I code switched my appearance and morphed my surroundings 
to validate and match the perception that my teeth are yellow. 
If I was told they were blue, I would be in big trouble. 

My blue crayons disappeared."

Undescended Brains

"A chatter tried to insult me and go for the jugular 
by referencing my age and all common maladies 
generally connected to growing old." 

"I conclude he is apparently rather young 
with transparent social anxieties, 
nothing more productive or better to do, 
and engaging in exceedingly moronic activity... 

so who is the pathetic persona in his life equations?"

Don Quixotes

"A chat room imbecile keeps typing foolish redundant crap 
in great attempts to try to annoy and insult total strangers, 
and the object of his nonsense is sitting there 

cool as a cucumber and thinking: 
blow that horse *manure* out of your arse."

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Theater of the Absurd

"In chat rooms, angry morons type dopey charientisms 
with harsh intent to people they have never even met. 
They believe their nonsense has impact 
because they have delusions of adequacy." 

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Heuristic Discoveries

"People are so overwhelmingly and deliriously excited 
when they discover information about me.
They lick their chops to the point where 
you would think they learned the true identity, 
address, and telephone number of D.B. Cooper." 

"Go figure."

Covering All Bases

"I practice all religions because I believe 
in covering all of my bases."

Do Not Suffer Fools Gladly

"I do not suffer fools gladly.
I turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to the inane dopey drivel 
of morons that is designed to shock and chagrin."  

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Call Me Maybe

"One fan is so obsessed he has my digits on auto speed dial. 
I should use call forwarding and send those calls 
to rehab so he can break his addiction to me."

Swimming With Amphibians

"I would reply... but can you teach a goldfish that 1 + 1 = 2?"

Two for the Price of One

"With regard to modern art, 
I am a quick study."

Internet in the Park

"Ah, the joys of a crowded city park experience."

Making Shidduchs

"I love love love how so many people have bonded on the internet 
in a common purpose to talk about me. 
I am trending in cyberspace? 
Color me popular."

An Homage to Picasso

"I am feeling quite angular and colorful.
And very dizzy.
Pass the dramamine, please."

Monday, November 12, 2012

Photo Ops

"Here I am in jail!
I was arrested for bad art which detached retinas 
and is considered visual assault. 
Call me maybe?"

Never Running On Empty

"I was arrested today... because these cartoons are very bad art. 
 A viewer detached a retina and I was booked for visual assault."

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Toxic Views

Confucius said: 
"Those who do not develop lives of their own are doomed to 
sweat the lives of others."   

marjorie said: 
"Those who sweat the lives of others need to 
get over it in a hyperbaric chamber in rehab."

A Kook Watch

"Yow! Yikes!
Your obsessed fans have discovered your real name!"

"Is that like discovering the identity of the 
second shooter at the grassy knoll?"

Saturday Night Activity

a poll: 
Saturday night activity choices: 
1. go to a movie = 3 votes 
2. go to the theater = 1 vote 
3. dine out with friends = 2 votes 
4. go to a club and dance = 2 votes 
5. turn on the computer and type about marjorie all night = 28 votes 

"Wow! I won the activity poll! I am WINNING!"

Saturday, November 10, 2012


"A computer levels a playing field and allows those with whom 
you would never cross paths and who do not respect boundaries 
to try to be invasive in your world. 
Put up walls so your personal visual space is protected. 
Become a gongoozler."

The Cure: Mittens

"However, mittens do not help with unresolved angers.
Maybe a regressive visit to a playpen or a  
a high school 'do over' might work."

The Chat Matrix

"Bingo and ditto!"

Typing Fights

"The downside is carpal tunnel syndrome."

Friday, November 9, 2012

Go Know

"Take a bow kiddo, you impact your 
naysayers like the asteroid Vesta."

"And here I thought I was just a mere tachyon."

Doing an ET

"We know and will post your address and telephone number!" 

"Well, if I ever get lost all I have to do is log on in a 
cyber cafe and find my way directly home."

Working Capital

"You never have more than 2 viewers watching your show!"

"That's 2 more than I ever expected to have! 
I consider myself to have great net asset! 
My show might qualify for an initial public offering!"

The Reviews Are In?

"Your cartoons are awful; 
you draw worse than a 4 year old!"

"Pipe down! My Aunt Sadie said these cartoons are 
quite Thurberesque and as 
imaginative as Basquiats; 
they are pieces of pop art as creative 
as those of Keith Haring."