Sunday, December 19, 2010

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays to all my fans!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Channeling a Blonde

"A guy on match dot com said he wants a babe
with a switched on smokin' hot body.
In order to fit that profile,
I had to morph into a skinny blonde."

"Call me Zelig."

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Bizarre Cyber Orders

"I was served with a cyber restraining order!
Does that mean I have to sit
at my computer
wearing mittens?"

Love at First Hallucination

"I joined match dot com and after a few
E-mails with a guy, I never heard from him again."

"Could it have been my breath?"

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Channeling Rocky

"You gotta be a moron to wanna be a writer."

Rap Chat

"I agAIn have sOmE pALiNoIa todAy
NobODy would exPect mY cHAt to be any OTher way
I'm a meRE fUStiaN respONdin' to a qUEry
AnD I'm goNnA sWEat fOnt uNtil I'm wEAry."

marjorie and her imaginary friend

"I went to my therapist and brought my imaginary friend.
At the end of the session, he charged me double!"

The Go-Go Look

"Excuse me?
My teased and ratted beehive hairdo does NOT
contain spiders and maggots. What flapdoodle."

Lookalike Contests

"Grrrrr, a chat meanie said I look like
Raggedy Ann and Ronald McDonald's love child!
Whatever gave him that idea? He needs lasik!"

Channeling Larry David

"Look at me, I morphed into Larry David!
He thinks HE has OCD?
I am OCD Patient Zero!
And I feel pretty pretty pretty pretty good!"

An Homage to a Pop Superstar

"Hurry and turn on your webcams.
I am doing an homage to Lady Gaga.
I am wearing a hula hoop in my pony tails."

An Homage to a Pin-Up Girl

"I give you... eye dazzling pulchritude!"

Channeling Norma Desmond

"Darlings, turn on your webcams. I am channeling Norma Desmond.
My internet presence is huge!
Without me, there wouldn't be any, any... Twitter!
In one week, I received 17,000 follower requests."

Channeling Veronica Lake

"Mmmmmm I love this chat room, 'Flirt With Cops.' It's funny, but
practically all the cops in this room were strangers when I met them.
Now, in this room I never say good-bye. It's only a sweet good-night."

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Channeling Max Reger

"Max said:
'I am sitting in the smallest room of my house.
I have your review before me.
In a moment it will be behind me.'

Recently, if dear Max had been my role model...
50 trees would still be living."

Online Dating

"I decided to try online dating.
I loved this guy's photo, but after
a quick Google of his name
I saw it was his
mug shot."

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Taking a Break

"I prepared quite a mouth-watering spread.
Look at the foods I put out:
everything from soup to nuts!
It's a cyber Viennese Table!"

"I have no room on my desk
for my computer. Therefore...

Today, no typing for me!"

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Channeling Houdini

"I am like the great Houdini.
I can be at my computer in a straightjacket
with my wrists in handcuffs
and my legs in shackles.

And I can still do my special brand of crazy
in 1000 comments
in 5 minutes
at 10 different internet forums!"

Monday, November 8, 2010

Dressing for Success

"I realize I am now a total internet sensation."

"So, I am online in a black strapless cocktail dress
and I let my fans soak in my smokin' hot good looks.
Many fans have become fixated on me.
I know this all comes with
being a celebrity."

Who's Your Daddy?

"People tell me I am a new form of abstract art."

"I wear nostalgia like Lady Gaga wears red meat."
"Maybe I am the love child of Basquiat and Little Lulu."

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Life Reviews

"When my life flashes before my eyes,
it will be an overexposed negative."

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Life Checks

"All over, here and there...
I don't see dead people.
I see morons."

"Life is filled with narisha zach fueled by kooks.
And when it's over, the narisha zach
winds up in a Staten Island landfill."

"We all have a death sentence.
If you get the right tests and procedures,
you get little stays of execution.
But, the house always wins."

Friday, October 22, 2010

Halitosis and Flowers

"When you use nasty language in a debate,
all that your audience will see is green halitosis."

"When I debate, I speak so kindly
red flowers fall out of my mouth!"

"A calm approach is always a key to a...

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Brunch

Four literary agents at Twitter have blocked me? Oye.

I feel I can be wacky and "batshit" and write my opinions
as I please... and I couldn't care less if all these agents
serve me up for brunch at a roast of jackasses.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Internet Bonding

"I am loving how two people bonded
when running from my special brand of crazy."

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Computer Obsessions

"I am obsessed with an issue and cannot stop
typing comments about it.

And, I keep typing the same thing over and over and over.
Call me Jack Torrance."

Brain Cred

"I was accepted into Mensa based on
the amount of people that blocked me on Twitter."

Web Analysis

"A chatter who never met me declared
I have no social boundaries and no grasp on reality!"

"Was that before or after I sang in the subway
dressed as Turanga Leela?"

Different Strokes

"I believe one person's "lunatic" can be another person's "role model."

Reverse Psychology

"A chatter called me 'stupid!'
I think it was a psychological device used to enable
her own self-esteem because she could not understand
my references to Riemann's Metric Tensor!"

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Reaction to "Hilarious"

"If a comment is posted that is hilarious,
copious group laughter will abound and
soda will auto-pour out of the noses of the internet audience.
It's a sort of de rigueur response if you are a member of
the club of snarkmeisters."

"Some other auto-replies are:
win, fail, amazing and...
filled with so many parts of awesome."

Sunday, August 29, 2010

"Batshit" crazy?

On Twitter, I was called 'batshit!'
Heh! Heh! Batshit?
Bite me, bitches!

Now a poem, just for my fans who sweat me:

Roses are red and violets are blue,
I am 'batshit?'
Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo!
There is NO PART of 'batshit'
that I won't own and make a perfect fit!
I am delighted and happy to stand with other nuts
And all the sarcastic and angry fabisinas can kiss our fat butts!"

Shades of Gray

"I am so tired of online analysts.
They throw around the word 'crazy' a lot.
And what's wrong with 'crazy?'

All the greatest films and books are about crazy people!
These yentas should get jobs administering
cyber Thematic Apperception Tests."

Friday, August 27, 2010

Chat Imitates Museum Visits

© Marjorie Levine 2010

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Sore Loser

"I have entered 112 online writing contests, and I never win!
My last entry was phenomenal, and I still did not win.
The judges must hate me.

I cannot imagine why.
Everybody else thinks I am charming, filled with humor, and
I have a marvelous sense of joie de vivre.
And my entries are always quite good...
I am sad today."

Saturday, August 21, 2010

A Solution

This is my perfect solution for comments designed to chagrin.

Wicked Impersonations

There's another "Marjorie" on the 'net
posting comments on the same blogs!

The internet sure attracts kooks who
sweat me and love to gas my head!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Personality DNA in Cartoons

"I got everything I needed to know about you from your cartoons."

Did you learn about Charles M. Schulz from "Peanuts," too?
Maybe you learned about Walt Kelly from reading "Pogo?"
Or about John Wagner from "Maxine?"
What a kook!"

Friday, August 13, 2010

A Kathy Griffin morph

"OMG, I morphed into the amazing Kathy Griffin
and I can hear her now:
I am on the 'marjorie' blog? D list!!"

An Homage to Harper

"Let's you and me get acquainted. Go sit down in that chair.
Have a bon bon. Just remember, I'm the boss here.
And keep your chat files active. You'll be back."

Friday, August 6, 2010

Death Wishes

"marjorie, you are sad and crazy and more than a little scary.
But, don't worry guys. She will eventually either move on or die."

"Yow, and oh my! I have to die to stop impacting
your precious online chat experience?"

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Unsolicited Reviews

A review:
"I've been reading your cartoons.
I find them more bitter and sad than funny."

And my reply:
Roses are red and violets are blue,
You find my toons bitter and sad and not funny
Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo!


Friday, July 30, 2010

Channeling Shirley Temple

a repost:

"I was blacklisted? Oh, my!"

"If something may upset you,
Don't ever let it get you down,
Don't wear a frown.
Just keep your chin up,
And give it a try,
And you'll find silver-lined clouds in the sky.
You gotta S-M-I-L-E
To be H-A double P-Y."
- words by Mack Gordon, music by Harry Revel

Chat Positions


Channeling Baby Jane


In Beta

a repost:



Thursday, July 29, 2010

Hide and Seek

"Yikes! Some nut in the chat room posted
my home address! I am hiding!"

marjorie and her imaginary friend

"I went to my therapist and brought my imaginary friend.
At the end of the session, he charged me double!"

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Channeling a Literary Agent

"Let me open today's batch of E-mail queries!"

"This query has attachments!! What a freaking jerk!
This idiotic query has two misspelled words!
This nitwit sent a query written in chartreuse italic font!
This fool wrote 'alot' instead of 'a lot!'
This query includes 12 chapters of her memoir,
and I don't even rep memoirs!
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
How many parts of stupid can I fit into one day?"

"Oh, here's a snail mail query!
Yikes, I opened it and fluorescent technicolor glitter
fell out all over my desk and on to my fresh bagel!
And it smells like perfume!"

"Some damn ignoramus posted a query in 3-D on YouTube!
May I ask where the glasses are?"

"I have to Twitter about these idiots.
These queries have given me a migraine.
I need some laughs! Let me begin a contest.
I found an old Bobbsey Twins book I will give as a prize."

"After looking at these stupid queries all day,
I need... a hyperbaric chamber."