Happy Holidays to all my fans!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
"All over, here and there...
I don't see dead people.
I see morons."
"Life is filled with narisha zach fueled by kooks.
And when it's over, the narisha zach
winds up in a Staten Island landfill."
"We all have a death sentence.
If you get the right tests and procedures,
you get little stays of execution.
But, the house always wins."
Friday, October 22, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
"If a comment is posted that is hilarious,
copious group laughter will abound and
soda will auto-pour out of the noses of the internet audience.
It's a sort of de rigueur response if you are a member of
the club of snarkmeisters."
"Some other auto-replies are:
win, fail, amazing and...
filled with so many parts of awesome."
Sunday, August 29, 2010
On Twitter, I was called 'batshit!'
Heh! Heh! Batshit?
Bite me, bitches!
Now a poem, just for my fans who sweat me:
Roses are red and violets are blue,
I am 'batshit?'
Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo!
There is NO PART of 'batshit'
that I won't own and make a perfect fit!
I am delighted and happy to stand with other nuts
And all the sarcastic and angry fabisinas can kiss our fat butts!"
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
"I have entered 112 online writing contests, and I never win!
My last entry was phenomenal, and I still did not win.
The judges must hate me.
I cannot imagine why.
Everybody else thinks I am charming, filled with humor, and
I have a marvelous sense of joie de vivre.
And my entries are always quite good...
I am sad today."
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
"I was blacklisted? Oh, my!"
♫ ♫ "If something may upset you,
Don't ever let it get you down, ♫ ♫
♫ ♫ Don't wear a frown.
Just keep your chin up, ♫ ♫
♫ ♫ And give it a try,
And you'll find silver-lined clouds in the sky. ♫ ♫
♫ ♫ You gotta S-M-I-L-E
To be H-A double P-Y." ♫ ♫
- words by Mack Gordon, music by Harry Revel
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
"Let me open today's batch of E-mail queries!"
"This query has attachments!! What a freaking jerk!
This idiotic query has two misspelled words!
This nitwit sent a query written in chartreuse italic font!
This fool wrote 'alot' instead of 'a lot!'
This query includes 12 chapters of her memoir,
and I don't even rep memoirs!
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
How many parts of stupid can I fit into one day?"
"Oh, here's a snail mail query!
Yikes, I opened it and fluorescent technicolor glitter
fell out all over my desk and on to my fresh bagel!
And it smells like perfume!"
"Some damn ignoramus posted a query in 3-D on YouTube!
May I ask where the glasses are?"
"I have to Twitter about these idiots.
These queries have given me a migraine.
I need some laughs! Let me begin a contest.
I found an old Bobbsey Twins book I will give as a prize."
"After looking at these stupid queries all day,
I need... a hyperbaric chamber."