"Let me open today's batch of E-mail queries!"
"This query has attachments!! What a freaking jerk!
This idiotic query has two misspelled words!
This nitwit sent a query written in chartreuse italic font!
This fool wrote 'alot' instead of 'a lot!'
This query includes 12 chapters of her memoir,
and I don't even rep memoirs!
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
How many parts of stupid can I fit into one day?"
"Oh, here's a snail mail query!
Yikes, I opened it and fluorescent technicolor glitter
fell out all over my desk and on to my fresh bagel!
And it smells like perfume!"
"Some damn ignoramus posted a query in 3-D on YouTube!
May I ask where the glasses are?"
"I have to Twitter about these idiots.
These queries have given me a migraine.
I need some laughs! Let me begin a contest.
I found an old Bobbsey Twins book I will give as a prize."
"After looking at these stupid queries all day,
I need... a hyperbaric chamber."