Low Level Entertainment

viewer

"marjorie, come watch this show. 

The broadcaster is doing epic prank calls..."

marjorie 

"Darling I don't enjoy viewing that 
type of juvenile low level entertainment...

I have HBO."

History Repeats Itself

Fanny Brice
"In show business, 
I am a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls."

marjorie
"Me too!
I cannot be a lemming and enjoy 
internet low level entertainment!

And it is difficult to blow smoke up a Walter Mitty's ass 

or join minions who dress broadcasters 
in the Emperor's new clothes."

Vanishing Acts

broadcaster

"marjorie is gone, she quit this show."

viewer

"yay!"

marjorie

"Go know, I have such impact?

If that weak mind simply used the 

ignore feature, I would have disappeared 

from her field of view..."

Banned from a Show

broadcaster

"Everyone hates marjorie and 
I am going to ban her from this show."

marjorie

"Yawn. Snore. 

This impacts my life?

Now back to Swann's Way."

Self-Empowerment

chatter

"I don't want marjorie banned, I just wish she would go away."

marjorie

"Head's up! You can make anybody 'go away' by activating 

the ignore feature or by doing selective reading. 

I must be 'larger than life' to have such a strong impact 

on the chat experience of a person who 

I don't even know is alive 

and who has zero impact in MY life." 

A Little Noshery

"How do I enjoy low level 

entertainment on the internet? 

I watch while eating a bagel mit schmear."

Communication Problems

viewer

"I have more 411 on you than you could ever have on me.

Now who has been pwned?"

marjorie
"I am flattered you want the '411' on me. 

I must be some important star in your dopey universe. 

Head's up: I desire no information regarding YOU!"

"And the day the word 'pwned' becomes part of my 

daily vocabulary will be the day I call Kevorkian." 

Invested In My Demise

viewers

1. "Die in your sleep."

2. "See you in hell."

3. "RIP"

4. "Good news. marjorie died."

And the Oscar goes to:

5. "You (will) wither and die alone in your NYC apartment 
where you won't be found until the smell and bedbugs 
overwhelm the apartment complex. 
Your tombstone will read:  who the f*ck was marjorie?"

marjorie
"Yikes and yow! 
They all seem a bit over invested in me.
My death impacts those fools in what way?
You would think they are included in my will."

"News flash:
No beneficiary documents for any of YOU!"

Diminished Status

"I would never create a chat name that 

referenced anybody else in any way.

I am self-involved and it's all about me. 

I am not a wannabe and
I do not give myself diminished status." 

The Invisibles

"Viewers and fans enter chat rooms with 

my name and sit there believing I am daunted."

"They apparently are not involved in their own 

personal identity and have no accomplishments 

that are worthy of self-promotion.

They are the ghosts of society who 

thrive on the lives of others.

"They certainly give me and all my alter egos free publicity."

Channeling Luke

viewer

"You are an old hag."

marjorie

"Blow it out of your toches."

20/20 Vision

viewer

"Hi, Baby Jane."

marjorie

"Baby Jane? Get lasik."

Interested Parties

obsessed viewer 

"How come I know everything about you 
and you know nothing about me?" 

marjorie 

"Simple answer. YOU ARE AN INVISIBLE NOBODY. 

5S? Tell me something I DON'T know! 

I am flattered you show interest in me."

Winning What

"As I exited a chat room, a warrior declared she 'won.'

I asked:

What exactly did you win...

a PhD?"

The Old Hag Charientism

"In great efforts to try to insult me, 
online warriors call me an 'old hag.'

In many instances I am 30 years or more older than 

those who reference me in those terms. 

And they are the ones who look like 'hags.'

It certainly gives pause for thought. 

When they are my age, they will look like... Medusa."

Online Thematic Apperception Tests

this is a piece from an E-mail:

"marjorie, you are a mean woman. 

You are a mean, hateful woman. 

You are an angry, bitter mean woman. 

What was the point in time when you just snapped 

and became this angry, spiteful, mean woman?"

marjorie

"I never even met the person who wrote that!

She appears a bit over invested in an analysis of me.

Just yesterday, I was told I am so 

cheerful and happy and filled with a great spirit of fun.

Online interactions trigger 

multiple personality syndrome I suppose." 

Well Defined Demographics

"I do not tonse with a demographic that thrives 

on discussing the activity of 'trolls' all day.

I would rather discuss the work 

of Proust and the intoxicating madeleine."

Lingo Du Jour

"awesome. epic.  fail. amazing. pwned"

"Huh?" At the risk of appearing opprobrious... 

let me say that I will never use those words in a sentence. 

They are the vocabulary of unimaginative lemmings.

and words that fuel dopey activity."  

False Distortions for Personal Agendas

viewer 

 "(You sit there) on your make believe pedestal you crafted out of the 

tears of the school children's spirits you undoubtably crushed."

marjorie

"Say wha? Where did you get that absurd bubba meinsa from? 

People will make up absolutely anything in 
angry attacks to try to rile and get a sense of satisfaction."

Turnarounds in Comebacks

marjorie

"On Easter Sunday, I had dinner with family 
at an elegant restaurant."

viewer

"Did you ask for separate checks?"

Epitaphs

a paragraph from an E-mail sent by a viewer

"Let the anger and hate and loneliness go before you 

wither and die alone in your NYC apartment 

where you won't be found until the smell and bedbugs 

overwhelm the apartment complex. 

Your tombstone will read: "who the f*ck was marjorie..." 

marjorie replies 

 "And your tombstone will read: 

 Known for sending ridiculous and overly emotional angry 

E-mails with preposterous conclusions made out of whole cloth 

to people on the internet she never even met."

In 24 Hour Windows

viewer

"marjorie... you are bitter, lonely, angry, and hateful."

marjorie

"Just yesterday... you were telling me how 

much alike we both are!" 

Not Getting It

"My broadcast was terminated 3 times 

in one day for 'inactivity!!'

Hello? It's a show about nothing!

What am I supposed to be doing?"

Putting Me in Equation Conundrums

viewer sends an e-mail:

"You want nothing to do with me? 
You can't handle me, honey. 
You can't handle the power of my awesome."

marjorie:
"What's to handle?
Go be 'awesome.'
Be awesome to the tenth power.
Excellent! Kudos! 
What does your 'awesome' have to do with me?
I never even met you."

Free Will

Viewer

"I would rather be waterboarded than to have to 
listen to marjorie's voice during her broadcast."

marjorie

"So who forces you to constantly enter and 
keep watching the show, meshugennah?
You must be a masochistic glutton for punishment."

Choice Comments from An Online Stranger

Stranger

"(You will) die alone in your NYC apartment 

where you won't be found until the smell and bedbugs 

 overwhelm the apartment complex. 

 Your tombstone will read: who the f*ck was marjorie...'" 

  marjorie 

"Yikes! Bedbugs! Huh?"

I need to be on a constant online kook watch!"

"I am a bon vivant and I have a great joie de vivre! 

I hope that writer's personality profile of me is not included 

in her applications to administer 

cyber Thematic Apperception Tests!"

"Anger management much?"

Trumped

"A chatter called me a 'crow!'

If I am a 'crow' she has to be 

the crow's  ugly stepsister."

Low Level Thinkers in Low Level Entertainment

viewers

"marjorie is a stupid person

marjorie is boring

marjorie is a pathetic liar

marjorie is a troll

marjorie is a c**t

marjorie is f**ked in the head."

marjorie

"waaaaaa, nobody likes me here.

I am packing up my toys and going elsewhere."

Sitting Shiva

"I will be sitting shiva for BlogTV.

You were loved very much...

RIP dear website.

The end: 3/27/2013."

Kick Permissions

viewer to broadcaster

"Can I kick marjorie on your last show?"

marjorie

"Why wait until the last show, darling? 

If that is all it takes to excite you and 

help you find your smile, 

kick away! Kick me all day. I aim to please." 

"When I give kick permission to a sad soul...
I am doing a mitzvah and 
Aren't I one.guta.neshuma?" 

Moi?

chatter

"marjorie, have you got your drinking under control these days?"

marjorie

"Look at this nutty question now!

My idea of a hot toddy is prune juice with lemon.

Some chatters will type anything in their 

quest to shock, create a dynamic of conflict, 

and become a cyber Don Quixiote. "

The Face Police

chatter

"Hi beast, you need a face lift."

marjorie

"Thank-you, Hazel Bishop. 

Should I worry that my contract with 

the Ford Agency will not be renewed?"

Ouch Worthy?

chatters' comments

1. "marjorie despises other people for having the good 

qualities and traits she lacks so she rejoices in 

being evil and making people hate her."
2. "marjorie hates cute girls who are better educated than she is."

 marjorie

"Ah, rejoice! These comments are from total 

strangers who I never even met. 

Their skills at cyber analysis are amazing...

but a suggestion." 

 "They should bottle their comments and include them on 

university applications as evidence of their 
mad skills in creative writing. 

I am sure the admissions' committees will be impressed!"

Unraveling in Alternate Universes

chatter

"For those of you wondering, here's why 

many of us despise marjorie: 

we tried to befriend her and she sh*t on us, 

trolled us, lied to us, and stabbed us in the back. 

She's a sh*t, period. I stuck up for her in the past. 

People tried to warn me and I didn't believe it. 

I stood up for her and then she did it to me 

and I got what I deserved for not listening."

marjorie

"Who is that hysterical person having a cyber meltdown? 

It seems a bit absurd that I could have 

done such dire things to a person and had such 
an horrendous impact on a person whose 

identity is totally unknown to me." 

"My cyber fingerprints and DNA came up 
negative on that profile document.

He needs to reconnect his VCRs and chill,
and enter a hyperbaric chamber for a reality check
regarding his social interactions."

The True Character

"I know that every single person typing 

redundant vituperative comments directed to me 

would, in person, be all tongue tied 

with a severe case of lockjaw. 

So I let them vent... and blow all that 

vitriol out of their collective arses."

"It becomes for me... my life's
wheeeeeeeeeeee moments!"

Consider the Source

"A viewer asked me why all insults posted in 

chat rooms roll of my back.

I said that I just consider the source." 

"And I know without any shadow of a doubt 
if he had a smokin' hot babe by his side 
he would have no time to try to annoy me."

"Who is the pathetic one in this dynamic?"

Nosybodies

"There are internet dudes who dig 

for information about others." 

"They are invested in their investigation and they are 

interested in the lives of total strangers." 

"They are so involved one would think 

they were being paid huge advances 

to write their subject's biography." 

The End is Near

"During a show today there were three signs:

1. I had a spontaneous nose bleed

2. I was surrounded by the odd and vague scent of mothballs

3. I was featured, and 500 people watched the show 

while the chat room remained empty"

"I made internet broadcast history!"

Bigger than US Steel

 

Hyman Roth to Michael Corleone: 

"We're bigger than U.S. Steel." 

 A caller to a broadcaster during the Academy Awards: 

"Do you know Marjorie Levine?"

In that moment, marjorie was more famous

than Jennifer Lawrence!

I See Bored People

"When chatters create names intended to ridicule, 

rile, or annoy me... all I see are bored people." 

Ring a Ding Ding

"I use call forwarding for unwanted calls and 

send those calls straight to a number 

with a message which says: 

'The call you have made requires a coin deposit.' 

It's the ring a ding ding thwart."

A Vocabulary Peer Group

"A chatter attempted to engage me in 

an online typed fight and posted 

infantile and crass comments intended to insult me."

"Her vocabulary level and references were exceedingly 

childish and her whiney charientisms were 

as broke as a pickpocket at a nudist camp."

"My cyber opponent rose from 

obscurity and was headed for oblivion." 

Fitting the Definition

chatter:

"marjorie is a stalker; she stalked a broadcaster!!"

the textbook definition:

"A stalker is a person who intentionally and 
repeatedly follows or harasses 

another person and who makes a credible threat, 
either expressed or implied, 

with the intent to place that person in reasonable fear ..." 

marjorie:

"Can we say: 

It was a transparent spin designed to rile and chagrin...
and it was done for a personal vitriolic agenda. 

It was an epic fail."

true dat
"marjorie only stalks her pension checks 

when they fail to be deposited on time."

Apples and Oranges

"My antagonist's frame of reference never moves 

past 'shtup and drek.' 

I prefer to reference the wit of  Oscar Wilde.

I threw in the towel because I was fighting an unarmed opponent."

"She never opens her mouth unless she has nothing to say."

The Achilles heel

"Chatters always search for their victim's Achilles heel.

Then, they go for the jugular.

It's de rigueur."

"They have yet to be able to figure out that I have no Achilles heel.

I do not have a weak mind."

Own It!

"I always arrive at my computer wearing my Shield of Gardol,"

And to charientisms, I always reply: Tell me something I DON'T know!"

The Invisible Woman

"My phone number was posted all over the internet and 

I received not even one call."

"I now refer to myself as ...

The Invisible Woman." 

If

"If you think these cartoons are funny...

I will pay for your CAT scan."

Busted!

"Chat dawgs think their antics are so clever and clandestine... 

but eventually they shoot themselves in the foot 

and are hoisted by their own petards." 

Jealous? Moi?

"I was labeled 'jealous.'

'Tis quite difficult to be 'jealous' of a totally unknown identity 

who is not even a blip on my cyber radar."