Kick Permissions

viewer to broadcaster

"Can I kick marjorie on your last show?"

marjorie

"Why wait until the last show, darling? 

If that is all it takes to excite you and 

help you find your smile, 

kick away! Kick me all day. I aim to please." 

"When I give kick permission to a sad soul...
I am doing a mitzvah and 
Aren't I one.guta.neshuma?" 

Moi?

chatter

"marjorie, have you got your drinking under control these days?"

marjorie

"Look at this nutty question now!

My idea of a hot toddy is prune juice with lemon.

Some chatters will type anything in their 

quest to shock, create a dynamic of conflict, 

and become a cyber Don Quixiote. "

The Face Police

chatter

"Hi beast, you need a face lift."

marjorie

"Thank-you, Hazel Bishop. 

Should I worry that my contract with 

the Ford Agency will not be renewed?"

Ouch Worthy?

chatters' comments

1. "marjorie despises other people for having the good 

qualities and traits she lacks so she rejoices in 

being evil and making people hate her."
2. "marjorie hates cute girls who are better educated than she is."

 marjorie

"Ah, rejoice! These comments are from total 

strangers who I never even met. 

Their skills at cyber analysis are amazing...

but a suggestion." 

 "They should bottle their comments and include them on 

university applications as evidence of their 
mad skills in creative writing. 

I am sure the admissions' committees will be impressed!"

Unraveling in Alternate Universes

chatter

"For those of you wondering, here's why 

many of us despise marjorie: 

we tried to befriend her and she sh*t on us, 

trolled us, lied to us, and stabbed us in the back. 

She's a sh*t, period. I stuck up for her in the past. 

People tried to warn me and I didn't believe it. 

I stood up for her and then she did it to me 

and I got what I deserved for not listening."

marjorie

"Who is that hysterical person having a cyber meltdown? 

It seems a bit absurd that I could have 

done such dire things to a person and had such 
an horrendous impact on a person whose 

identity is totally unknown to me." 

"My cyber fingerprints and DNA came up 
negative on that profile document.

He needs to reconnect his VCRs and chill,
and enter a hyperbaric chamber for a reality check
regarding his social interactions."

The True Character

"I know that every single person typing 

redundant vituperative comments directed to me 

would, in person, be all tongue tied 

with a severe case of lockjaw. 

So I let them vent... and blow all that 

vitriol out of their collective arses."

"It becomes for me... my life's
wheeeeeeeeeeee moments!"

Consider the Source

"A viewer asked me why all insults posted in 

chat rooms roll of my back.

I said that I just consider the source." 

"And I know without any shadow of a doubt 
if he had a smokin' hot babe by his side 
he would have no time to try to annoy me."

"Who is the pathetic one in this dynamic?"

Nosybodies

"There are internet dudes who dig 

for information about others." 

"They are invested in their investigation and they are 

interested in the lives of total strangers." 

"They are so involved one would think 

they were being paid huge advances 

to write their subject's biography." 

The End is Near

"During a show today there were three signs:

1. I had a spontaneous nose bleed

2. I was surrounded by the odd and vague scent of mothballs

3. I was featured, and 500 people watched the show 

while the chat room remained empty"

"I made internet broadcast history!"

Bigger than US Steel

 

Hyman Roth to Michael Corleone: 

"We're bigger than U.S. Steel." 

 A caller to a broadcaster during the Academy Awards: 

"Do you know Marjorie Levine?"

In that moment, marjorie was more famous

than Jennifer Lawrence!

I See Bored People

"When chatters create names intended to ridicule, 

rile, or annoy me... all I see are bored people." 

Ring a Ding Ding

"I use call forwarding for unwanted calls and 

send those calls straight to a number 

with a message which says: 

'The call you have made requires a coin deposit.' 

It's the ring a ding ding thwart."

A Vocabulary Peer Group

"A chatter attempted to engage me in 

an online typed fight and posted 

infantile and crass comments intended to insult me."

"Her vocabulary level and references were exceedingly 

childish and her whiney charientisms were 

as broke as a pickpocket at a nudist camp."

"My cyber opponent rose from 

obscurity and was headed for oblivion." 

Fitting the Definition

chatter:

"marjorie is a stalker; she stalked a broadcaster!!"

the textbook definition:

"A stalker is a person who intentionally and 
repeatedly follows or harasses 

another person and who makes a credible threat, 
either expressed or implied, 

with the intent to place that person in reasonable fear ..." 

marjorie:

"Can we say: 

It was a transparent spin designed to rile and chagrin...
and it was done for a personal vitriolic agenda. 

It was an epic fail."

true dat
"marjorie only stalks her pension checks 

when they fail to be deposited on time."

Apples and Oranges

"My antagonist's frame of reference never moves 

past 'shtup and drek.' 

I prefer to reference the wit of  Oscar Wilde.

I threw in the towel because I was fighting an unarmed opponent."

"She never opens her mouth unless she has nothing to say."

The Achilles heel

"Chatters always search for their victim's Achilles heel.

Then, they go for the jugular.

It's de rigueur."

"They have yet to be able to figure out that I have no Achilles heel.

I do not have a weak mind."

Own It!

"I always arrive at my computer wearing my Shield of Gardol,"

And to charientisms, I always reply: Tell me something I DON'T know!"

The Invisible Woman

"My phone number was posted all over the internet and 

I received not even one call."

"I now refer to myself as ...

The Invisible Woman." 

If

"If you think these cartoons are funny...

I will pay for your CAT scan."

Busted!

"Chat dawgs think their antics are so clever and clandestine... 

but eventually they shoot themselves in the foot 

and are hoisted by their own petards." 

Jealous? Moi?

"I was labeled 'jealous.'

'Tis quite difficult to be 'jealous' of a totally unknown identity 

who is not even a blip on my cyber radar."

Sweatin' Those With Zero Pulchritude

"I have been called a 'beast' multiple times by a chat dawg. 

I assume that indicates I am visually unappealing."

"Yawn! 'Tis a pity he apparently does not have some 

great beauty in his life upon whom to gaze 

during the great deal of time he spends fixated on me."

Cyber Analysts

"Today, a chatter who never even met me 

called me a narcissist."

"He should get a job as a cyber analyst administering 

online Thematic Apperception Tests."

"I am sure that experts in the field 

would give his opinion total validity."

Yetta Telebenda, newsworthy much?

"Yetta Telebenda© 2011  is marjorie is only exciting to those... 
who thought the Edsel was epic."

The De Rigueur Response

"When hostile malcontents pull all the stops out 

and call me names and go for the jugular, 

I have a standard reply."

"I say: 'Thank-you, thank-you.'

It disarms and I love self-effacing humor." 

"They are angry so I enable them and 

make them a tax deduction for my charity work. 

Yes, I am quite eleemosynary."

marjorie's motto

"Call me the name and I play the game."

Dumber and Dopier

"Comments are always posted in chat rooms 

that members will find 

groan and ridicule worthy."

"The poster's comment is screen capped 

and sent to an appreciative audience

so they can share in the yucks."

"I never waste my time with such horse shit." 

"In that paradigm the poster 

is dopEY and the forwarder is dopIER."

Old Hag Anyone?

"I am an old hag? Go know!"

"Cyber Pavlov dogs are so font predictable."

"Yawn."

Roasts anyone?

"Chatters try to insult me in all sorts of vitriolic ways."

"I put a spin on it all and call it 

a ROAST."

"This style or approach used 

to be referred to as 

taking lemons and making lemonade."

"And... only SUPERSTARS

are roast worthy." 

Sweatin' marjorie

"Chatters wait all day with baited breath for my appearance.

And I enter to thunderous entrance applause."  

"I exit with curtain calls and then do encores."

"Everywhere I go it is a cyber homage to marjorie."

Weak Minds

"I never had a weak mind.

My motto is: tell me something I DON'T know."

"I spent a lifetime dining on 

kichel, kishke, and kneidlach.

It works better than the anti-lobotomy!" 

Worse Off

"Chatters try to ruffle my feathers by invoking the age card.

They say I am old and will soon be dead." 

"Apparently they are young. 

At a young age they have nothing better to do than 

to sit at a computer and attempt to annoy me?"

"Nebuch, they are part of the Walking Dead." 

Ya Mad Bro?

"Some chatters have one goal: to get me MAD. 

They type all sorts of dopey and foolish comments 

designed to flip me into a rage." 

"I sit here cool as a cucumber. 

They fail to realize that truly the only thing 

that gets me MAD these days is 

when Bloomingdale's closes for inventory."

On Reveals

"Chatters get so excited and lick their chops 
when they 'reveal' my true identity. 

You would think they are 'revealing' 
the true identity of Watergate's Deep Throat.

Many great celebrities actually 

perform with their real names:

Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David, 
Barbra Streisand, and Adam Levine.

I think of them as my mishpucha."

An Homage to Hyman Roth

Hyman Roth: 

"Michael, we're bigger than U.S. Steel."

marjorie:

"Michael, I am bigger than Clara Peller."

Marjorie Wannabes

"There are marjorie wannabes and imposters 

popping up all over the internet!" 

"It's marjorie this and marjorie that and marjorie everywhere!

"I was told it is a sign of my intense popularity. 

Will Frank Abagnale impersonate me soon?"

"Will the REAL marjorie please stand up?"

Online Biographies

"Online chatters declared me to be 
friendless and loveless and lonely.

The upside is that I will never have to 
provide info to a bio ghostwriter.
They totally nailed it!
It was a bingo moment! 

These cyber dudes totally rock with abundant 

info about my life resume!

This is some sanguine sociogram I hang with!" 

Screen Cap Worthy

"A kook actually screen capped one of my subtle charientisms 

and forwarded it with serious obtuse intent. 

If I knew my bon mots were screen cap worthy I would make 

stronger attempts to post comments in the style of 

S. J. Perelman, George Plimpton, or Spalding Gray.

My cheeky bon mots are screen cap worthy? Shocking! Impossible! 

Screen capping must be a new vapid five finger excercise!" 

Shocking Reveals

"When my true identity is REVEALED and 

posted in chat rooms, I wonder....

is that as tantalizing as knowing the 

real identity of Watergate's Deep Throat?"

"The revealers lick their chops 

over such narisha zach?"

Delusional Much

"To my Manti Te'os: 

Many of you THINK you have some dynamic going on with me. 

A heads' up: you have got NOTHING going on with me.

Comments typed in cyberspace usually are typed with invisible ink." 

Dick Tracys

"Cyber dicks are so excited when they discover my real name. 

They act as if they found out what happened to 

D.B. Cooper, Judge Crater, Jimmy Hoffa or 

located the second shooter at the grassy knoll.

I had no idea I was so noteworthy." 

My Fan Base

"Lady Gaga has her little monsters and 

I have my dumb schmucks."

Mind Bending

"A chat member gleefully exclaimed he won and I lost."

"I asked him exactly what he won and what precisely did I lose."

"I then proceeded to explain to him that his cyber 'war' 

exists only in his imagination and is fueled only within his own mind."

"He truly is the quintessential Don Quixote 

but he failed to find his Enchanter."

"I am sure he awakened the next day with the same 

unresolved anger and will tirelessly wait for me to return 

so he can once again displace his anger and 

relentlessly transfer his issues onto me."

"I recommend a hyperbaric chamber and 

epson salts...  for his fingers."

Misery Loves Company

"When a chatter laughs with satiated glee over 

some lunatic's vitriolic comments, I think: 

misery loves company and they both deserve each other. 

Their liaison is for both of them a fitting consequence."

Hoisted By Their Own Petards

"Back to you, and double it." 

A Word About Sidekicks

"Cyber Sidekicks live vicariously through 

the cowardly vile taunts of the freaks and losers on the internet."

"They laugh and are gleeful when they can read crap directed to others

 because it makes them feel better about themselves. 

No self actualized non jealous person engages in such idiotic activity." 

"They are Sidekicks who create "social" dynamics in font 
with total strangers on the internet with whom 
they have never verbally interacted 

and who they will never in life meet."

"Sancho Panza much?"

Lashon Hara and Tzedakah

"It appears that relentless chatters' goals are to 

try to annoy and bother and antagonize me."

"They study my bio and memorize the details 

and gather information which they believe 

provides taunt worthy material."

"A favorite sociopathic canard is that I have no family and am alone. 

Apparently, they are not alone and do have family.

 Yet, they prefer to take precious time away from their 

charming loved ones to try to annoy me?

Who is the sad and pathetic one in these cyber dynamics?

They are so bored they have to day after day type 

comments like redundant energizer bunnies

that would be rejected by The Gong Show."

"I am flattered I am so time and eyeball worthy.

 I enable these Don Quixotes and make their 
weird agendas a tax deduction for my charity work."

"Their lashon hara becomes my mandated tzedakah!"

My Shield of Gardol

"Not one thing posted about me on the internet impacts me. 

I always come to my computer wearing my Shield of Gardol."

Going for the Jugular

"The angry arrive in droves and craft

vile and crass taunts in 

attempts to annoy and chagrin.

It all washes over me without one drop touching me."

"In life one has to value those who are verbally attempting 

to hurt before one can be impacted by the assaults." 

"Total strangers are who I never met and who 

I will never meet  are nothing more than Don Quixotes in my world."

Eyeball Worthy

"Viewers tell me I am visually unappealing and then 

use strong words to attempt to insult my appearance."

"This gives me great pause for thought.

I am flattered by the droll attention. However... 

Do they not have anybody in their real lives upon whom 

to gaze whose pulchritude is more eye ball worthy?" 

"They must be masochistic gluttons for punishment."