Fitting the Definition

chatter:

"marjorie is a stalker; she stalked a broadcaster!!"

the textbook definition:

"A stalker is a person who intentionally and 
repeatedly follows or harasses 

another person and who makes a credible threat, 
either expressed or implied, 

with the intent to place that person in reasonable fear ..." 

marjorie:

"Can we say: 

It was a transparent spin designed to rile and chagrin...
and it was done for a personal vitriolic agenda. 

It was an epic fail."

true dat
"marjorie only stalks her pension checks 

when they fail to be deposited on time."

Apples and Oranges

"My antagonist's frame of reference never moves 

past 'shtup and drek.' 

I prefer to reference the wit of  Oscar Wilde.

I threw in the towel because I was fighting an unarmed opponent."

"She never opens her mouth unless she has nothing to say."

The Achilles heel

"Chatters always search for their victim's Achilles heel.

Then, they go for the jugular.

It's de rigueur."

"They have yet to be able to figure out that I have no Achilles heel.

I do not have a weak mind."

Own It!

"I always arrive at my computer wearing my Shield of Gardol,"

And to charientisms, I always reply: Tell me something I DON'T know!"

The Invisible Woman

"My phone number was posted all over the internet and 

I received not even one call."

"I now refer to myself as ...

The Invisible Woman." 

If

"If you think these cartoons are funny...

I will pay for your CAT scan."

Busted!

"Chat dawgs think their antics are so clever and clandestine... 

but eventually they shoot themselves in the foot 

and are hoisted by their own petards." 

Jealous? Moi?

"I was labeled 'jealous.'

'Tis quite difficult to be 'jealous' of a totally unknown identity 

who is not even a blip on my cyber radar."

Sweatin' Those With Zero Pulchritude

"I have been called a 'beast' multiple times by a chat dawg. 

I assume that indicates I am visually unappealing."

"Yawn! 'Tis a pity he apparently does not have some 

great beauty in his life upon whom to gaze 

during the great deal of time he spends fixated on me."

Cyber Analysts

"Today, a chatter who never even met me 

called me a narcissist."

"He should get a job as a cyber analyst administering 

online Thematic Apperception Tests."

"I am sure that experts in the field 

would give his opinion total validity."

Yetta Telebenda, newsworthy much?

"Yetta Telebenda© 2011  is marjorie is only exciting to those... 
who thought the Edsel was epic."

The De Rigueur Response

"When hostile malcontents pull all the stops out 

and call me names and go for the jugular, 

I have a standard reply."

"I say: 'Thank-you, thank-you.'

It disarms and I love self-effacing humor." 

"They are angry so I enable them and 

make them a tax deduction for my charity work. 

Yes, I am quite eleemosynary."

marjorie's motto

"Call me the name and I play the game."

Dumber and Dopier

"Comments are always posted in chat rooms 

that members will find 

groan and ridicule worthy."

"The poster's comment is screen capped 

and sent to an appreciative audience

so they can share in the yucks."

"I never waste my time with such horse shit." 

"In that paradigm the poster 

is dopEY and the forwarder is dopIER."

Old Hag Anyone?

"I am an old hag? Go know!"

"Cyber Pavlov dogs are so font predictable."

"Yawn."

Roasts anyone?

"Chatters try to insult me in all sorts of vitriolic ways."

"I put a spin on it all and call it 

a ROAST."

"This style or approach used 

to be referred to as 

taking lemons and making lemonade."

"And... only SUPERSTARS

are roast worthy." 

Sweatin' marjorie

"Chatters wait all day with baited breath for my appearance.

And I enter to thunderous entrance applause."  

"I exit with curtain calls and then do encores."

"Everywhere I go it is a cyber homage to marjorie."

Weak Minds

"I never had a weak mind.

My motto is: tell me something I DON'T know."

"I spent a lifetime dining on 

kichel, kishke, and kneidlach.

It works better than the anti-lobotomy!" 

Worse Off

"Chatters try to ruffle my feathers by invoking the age card.

They say I am old and will soon be dead." 

"Apparently they are young. 

At a young age they have nothing better to do than 

to sit at a computer and attempt to annoy me?"

"Nebuch, they are part of the Walking Dead." 

Ya Mad Bro?

"Some chatters have one goal: to get me MAD. 

They type all sorts of dopey and foolish comments 

designed to flip me into a rage." 

"I sit here cool as a cucumber. 

They fail to realize that truly the only thing 

that gets me MAD these days is 

when Bloomingdale's closes for inventory."

On Reveals

"Chatters get so excited and lick their chops 
when they 'reveal' my true identity. 

You would think they are 'revealing' 
the true identity of Watergate's Deep Throat.

Many great celebrities actually 

perform with their real names:

Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David, 
Barbra Streisand, and Adam Levine.

I think of them as my mishpucha."

An Homage to Hyman Roth

Hyman Roth: 

"Michael, we're bigger than U.S. Steel."

marjorie:

"Michael, I am bigger than Clara Peller."

Marjorie Wannabes

"There are marjorie wannabes and imposters 

popping up all over the internet!" 

"It's marjorie this and marjorie that and marjorie everywhere!

"I was told it is a sign of my intense popularity. 

Will Frank Abagnale impersonate me soon?"

"Will the REAL marjorie please stand up?"

Online Biographies

"Online chatters declared me to be 
friendless and loveless and lonely.

The upside is that I will never have to 
provide info to a bio ghostwriter.
They totally nailed it!
It was a bingo moment! 

These cyber dudes totally rock with abundant 

info about my life resume!

This is some sanguine sociogram I hang with!" 

Screen Cap Worthy

"A kook actually screen capped one of my subtle charientisms 

and forwarded it with serious obtuse intent. 

If I knew my bon mots were screen cap worthy I would make 

stronger attempts to post comments in the style of 

S. J. Perelman, George Plimpton, or Spalding Gray.

My cheeky bon mots are screen cap worthy? Shocking! Impossible! 

Screen capping must be a new vapid five finger excercise!" 

Shocking Reveals

"When my true identity is REVEALED and 

posted in chat rooms, I wonder....

is that as tantalizing as knowing the 

real identity of Watergate's Deep Throat?"

"The revealers lick their chops 

over such narisha zach?"

Delusional Much

"To my Manti Te'os: 

Many of you THINK you have some dynamic going on with me. 

A heads' up: you have got NOTHING going on with me.

Comments typed in cyberspace usually are typed with invisible ink." 

Dick Tracys

"Cyber dicks are so excited when they discover my real name. 

They act as if they found out what happened to 

D.B. Cooper, Judge Crater, Jimmy Hoffa or 

located the second shooter at the grassy knoll.

I had no idea I was so noteworthy." 

My Fan Base

"Lady Gaga has her little monsters and 

I have my dumb schmucks."

Mind Bending

"A chat member gleefully exclaimed he won and I lost."

"I asked him exactly what he won and what precisely did I lose."

"I then proceeded to explain to him that his cyber 'war' 

exists only in his imagination and is fueled only within his own mind."

"He truly is the quintessential Don Quixote 

but he failed to find his Enchanter."

"I am sure he awakened the next day with the same 

unresolved anger and will tirelessly wait for me to return 

so he can once again displace his anger and 

relentlessly transfer his issues onto me."

"I recommend a hyperbaric chamber and 

epson salts...  for his fingers."

Misery Loves Company

"When a chatter laughs with satiated glee over 

some lunatic's vitriolic comments, I think: 

misery loves company and they both deserve each other. 

Their liaison is for both of them a fitting consequence."

Hoisted By Their Own Petards

"Back to you, and double it." 

A Word About Sidekicks

"Cyber Sidekicks live vicariously through 

the cowardly vile taunts of the freaks and losers on the internet."

"They laugh and are gleeful when they can read crap directed to others

 because it makes them feel better about themselves. 

No self actualized non jealous person engages in such idiotic activity." 

"They are Sidekicks who create "social" dynamics in font 
with total strangers on the internet with whom 
they have never verbally interacted 

and who they will never in life meet."

"Sancho Panza much?"

Lashon Hara and Tzedakah

"It appears that relentless chatters' goals are to 

try to annoy and bother and antagonize me."

"They study my bio and memorize the details 

and gather information which they believe 

provides taunt worthy material."

"A favorite sociopathic canard is that I have no family and am alone. 

Apparently, they are not alone and do have family.

 Yet, they prefer to take precious time away from their 

charming loved ones to try to annoy me?

Who is the sad and pathetic one in these cyber dynamics?

They are so bored they have to day after day type 

comments like redundant energizer bunnies

that would be rejected by The Gong Show."

"I am flattered I am so time and eyeball worthy.

 I enable these Don Quixotes and make their 
weird agendas a tax deduction for my charity work."

"Their lashon hara becomes my mandated tzedakah!"

My Shield of Gardol

"Not one thing posted about me on the internet impacts me. 

I always come to my computer wearing my Shield of Gardol."

Going for the Jugular

"The angry arrive in droves and craft

vile and crass taunts in 

attempts to annoy and chagrin.

It all washes over me without one drop touching me."

"In life one has to value those who are verbally attempting 

to hurt before one can be impacted by the assaults." 

"Total strangers are who I never met and who 

I will never meet  are nothing more than Don Quixotes in my world."

Eyeball Worthy

"Viewers tell me I am visually unappealing and then 

use strong words to attempt to insult my appearance."

"This gives me great pause for thought.

I am flattered by the droll attention. However... 

Do they not have anybody in their real lives upon whom 

to gaze whose pulchritude is more eye ball worthy?" 

"They must be masochistic gluttons for punishment."

Achilles Heels

"Haters are always searching for their victims' perceived 
Achilles heels.

My advice is to own the charientisms. 

It succeeds in disarming and thwarting."  

Visual Choices

"A chatter redundantly tells me in many moronic ways

that I am quite ugly and he references 
my looks in an unflattering manner. 

He seems obsessed with my physical appearance and 
he is fixated on me like an energizer bunny.
I am flattered I am so eyeball worthy."

"He has no ravishing beauty in his home 

he can gaze upon for hours as another more pleasing option?
Awww, poor guy." 

Hard Conclusions

"A chatter said that I think I am better than others. 

Well, based on the comments they post.... 

I don't have to be in Mensa to form that conclusion."

Cyber Play Dates

"It takes two willing participants to create a cyber play date."

Poof

"There are ways to prevent names on the computer

 from talking to you or typing comments for you to see." 

"Stop entering cyber places where they congregate and 

do not cross lines to enter areas where the activity is going on."

"It's a self-created cyber order of protection and 

the imposed cyber restraining order 

gets rid of them."

"You have served them with a cyber gag order
because their comments are no longer visible to you,
and when they and their comments are 
no longer visible to you...
they are gone. "

Cyber Analysts

"People on the computer who never even met me 

love telling me I am 'crazy,' 'egocentric,' and a 'sociopath...'
and they validate their conclusions with non sequiturs.

They recommend 'meds' for the perceived conditions.

"It's interesting... because in all my over 30 years of 

steady and respected employment I was never 
even considered for a mental disability pension."

"Are cyber analysts the new qualified legal expert opinions?"

Rocket Science

"When people spend hours on a computer obsessively trying hard to 

annoy me, I conclude they have no significant other or spouse 
and perhaps have real life social anxieties." 

"If I am wrong, I am happy to conclude I am 

more important and get more attention."

"The time spent on me sadly speaks volumes about the 

quality of those real time relationships. 

I am so much more worthy of a visual focus." 

"Then, there are those who believe I think I am better than they. 

Well, based on the juvenile crap they post... 
my opinions are not a difficult conclusion." 

Hoisted By Their Own Petards

"The computer seems to attract people who spend hours of 

their own personal time trying to annoy others.

They type comments that appear to be 
vitriolic, vituperative, and vilifying.

They lick their chops as they try to go for the jugular while
thriving on dopey cyber intrigues.  

And they gather in social peer groups that

create quite a cyber peanut gallery.
They all deserve each other." 

"The demographic seems to be as good as it can get for them. 

It's like a meeting of Lucy's Friends of the Friendless." 

"An addiction to that redundant and relentless 

zero impact idiotic activity is a 

punishment for them... better than jail."

"The activity hoists them by their own petards."

An Online Kook Watch

"All over the internet, I observe cyber interactions 

that are filled with childish inane banter and material that appears 

to be written by puerile and sophomoric posters 

with easily diagnosed transparent arrested development 

and unresolved angers that are 
transferred and displaced in babyish ways.

Chatters type: 'You mad bro?' as if that line empowers 

and makes them winners in some perceived online conflict. 

They are nothing more than Don Quixotes... and to the extent 

that I totally and consistently ignore it, 

I might be eligible for admission into Mensa." 

It's Not Rocket Science

"If it was maybe possible for me to believe you did not do any 

of the things which CAUSED the rift, 

it is always your behavior AFTER these fallings out 

that confirms I was correct to place separations between us."

"My instincts are always proven correct and 

my actions are validated beyond any reasonable doubt."

Hey There, Lonely Girl

"Trolls on a computer assume because I am alone... I am 'lonely.'

I presume they are married or living with a significant other.

However, instead of spending quality time with 

their dear beloved family, 

they choose to spend their valuable personal time 

within their days attempting to annoy me. 

It is sad when you do not live alone and are really 'lonely.'

Who are the pathetic ones in these cyber dynamics?"

Struttin' Stuff

"Wherever I go, I always draw attention. 

I must cause flashbacks and I definitely am a trigger.

People sweat me and cannot get over me:

and I am walking around this city and 'struttin' stuff.' 

I recommend they go to be deprogrammed in a rehab 

and enter a hyperbaric chamber. 

Maybe then they can develop a more self-involved focus."

Cyber Restraining Orders

"I had to take out a cyber order of protection 

against an internet sociopath. 

He was more obsessed with me than Hedra was 

with Allison in SINGLE WHITE FEMALE."