Thwarting Juvenile Moronic Provocations

Observer: 
"I see you are the object of comments that are intended to be quite 
vitriolic and vituperative, and they are designed to 
vilify in great attempts to go for the jugular."

marjorie: 

"Well, the sophomoric and puerile bon mots are not exactly posted 
by a peer group I respect who are members of 
Mensa and graduated from Harvard... 
It's not exactly my intellectual demographic

so a bit of perspective renders it all invisible 
in total zip impact and irrelevance." 

the fourth wall:
"Uh, not for nothing but how pathetic are their lives if that is 
how they spend any part of their day?
I would rather watch paint dry than participate in such stupidity."

Observer:
"It is a totally abject sociopathic moron who spends time 
engaging in that activity anyway."

Spins Designed to Chagrin

To not even a blip on my radar:

"The little spin you posted that was designed to 

chagrin was noticed out of the corner of my eye. 

I hope you did that for your own self-aggrandizement 

or that it was typed in jest for some obtuse attempt to try to annoy. 

 To think otherwise, I would have to conclude 
you are totally acerebral."

Channeling Miss Marple

internet dude: "Almost everyone has an IP tracer. 

You will be revealed as... an internet cyber troll!!"

marjorie: "Yawn. Tell it to Miss Marple!"

Channeling Ronnie, the Limo Driver

"OMG, I morphed into Ronnie the Limo Driver!

I have an urge to splash on some Mambo and buy a Pace car. 

Now excuse me while I go organize a Vegas Block Party."

Art Gallery Cocktail Party

The "marjorie-cartoons" will be featured in an exhibition at a NYC art gallery in the fall. There will be a cocktail party and admission will be by invitation only. Details will be posted soon.

Hide and Seek

this from 2010:

"Yikes! Some nut in the chat room posted

my home address! I am hiding!"

Outted

this from 2010:

"Yow! My true identity has been revealed on the internet!"

"Pass the smelling salts, Jeeves!"

from the Comments Department

A comment just in: "My 7 year-old daughter draws better than you."

My reply: "I believe you. So? Shrug."

A Small Montage

© 2010 Marjorie Levine

Early Reviews Are In

The Reviews

"The cartoons are very whimsical and dazzling."

"The cartoons are quite Thurberesque."

"They are the Basquiats of the cartoon world."

"The marjorie-cartoons are trending on twitter."

"The marjorie-cartoons are a viral internet sensation."

marjorie

"Tell me something I don't know!"

Best of: Self-effacing Humor

marjorie was doing open mics when the pyramids were built.

I think by now she would get the hint.

marjorie's hair is so out dated Dolly Parton sends her hairstyle tips.

marjorie is such a hag that a casting director wanted

Betty White to play her daughter.

marjorie is so crazy that when they put her in a straight jacket

the doctors said "Crazy glue the seams."

marjorie's life is so empty that math teachers use photos of it to demonstrate the null set.

Quick Exits

"I told this guy on match dot com that I am 64,

and he exited the IM so fast

that Gebre Gebremariam is contacting him...

for speed tips."

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays to all my fans!

Channeling a Blonde

"A guy on match dot com said he wants a babe

with a switched on smokin' hot body.

In order to fit that profile,

I had to morph into a skinny blonde."

"Call me Zelig."

Bizarre Cyber Orders

"I was served with a cyber restraining order!

Does that mean I have to sit

at my computer

wearing mittens?"

Love at First Hallucination

"I joined match dot com and after a few

E-mails with a guy, I never heard from him again."

"Could it have been my breath?"

Channeling Rocky

"You gotta be a moron to wanna be a writer."

Rap Chat

"I agAIn have sOmE pALiNoIa todAy

NobODy would exPect mY cHAt to be any OTher way

I'm a meRE fUStiaN respONdin' to a qUEry

AnD I'm goNnA sWEat fOnt uNtil I'm wEAry."

marjorie and her imaginary friend

"I went to my therapist and brought my imaginary friend.

At the end of the session, he charged me double!"

The Go-Go Look

"Excuse me?

My teased and ratted beehive hairdo does NOT

contain spiders and maggots. What flapdoodle."

Lookalike Contests

"Grrrrr, a chat meanie said I look like

Raggedy Ann and Ronald McDonald's love child!

Whatever gave him that idea? He needs lasik!"

Channeling Larry David

"Look at me, I morphed into Larry David!

He thinks HE has OCD?

I am OCD Patient Zero!

And I feel pretty pretty pretty pretty good!"

An Homage to a Pop Superstar

"Hurry and turn on your webcams.

I am doing an homage to Lady Gaga.

I am wearing a hula hoop in my pony tails."

An Homage to a Pin-Up Girl

"I give you... eye dazzling pulchritude!"

Channeling Norma Desmond

"Darlings, turn on your webcams. I am channeling Norma Desmond.

My internet presence is huge!

Without me, there wouldn't be any, any... Twitter!

In one week, I received 17,000 follower requests."

Channeling Veronica Lake

"Mmmmmm I love this chat room, 'Flirt With Cops.' It's funny, but

practically all the cops in this room were strangers when I met them.

Now, in this room I never say good-bye. It's only a sweet good-night."

Channeling Max Reger

"Max said:

'I am sitting in the smallest room of my house.

I have your review before me.

In a moment it will be behind me.'

Recently, if dear Max had been my role model...

50 trees would still be living."

Online Dating

"I decided to try online dating.

I loved this guy's photo, but after

a quick Google of his name

I saw it was his

mug shot."

Taking a Break

"I prepared quite a mouth-watering spread.

Look at the foods I put out:

everything from soup to nuts!

It's a cyber Viennese Table!"

"I have no room on my desk

for my computer. Therefore...

Today, no typing for me!"

Channeling Houdini

"I am like the great Houdini.

I can be at my computer in a straightjacket

with my wrists in handcuffs

and my legs in shackles.

And I can still do my special brand of crazy

in 1000 comments

in 5 minutes

at 10 different internet forums!"

Dressing for Success

"I realize I am now a total internet sensation."

"So, I am online in a black strapless cocktail dress

and I let my fans soak in my smokin' hot good looks.

Many fans have become fixated on me.

I know this all comes with

being a celebrity."

Who's Your Daddy?

"People tell me I am a new form of abstract art."

"I wear nostalgia like Lady Gaga wears red meat."

"Maybe I am the love child of Basquiat and Little Lulu."

Life Reviews

"When my life flashes before my eyes,

it will be an overexposed negative."

Life Checks

"All over, here and there...

I don't see dead people.

I see morons."

"Life is filled with narisha zach fueled by kooks.

And when it's over, the narisha zach

winds up in a Staten Island landfill."

"We all have a death sentence.

If you get the right tests and procedures,

you get little stays of execution.

But, the house always wins."

Halitosis and Flowers

"When you use nasty language in a debate,

all that your audience will see is green halitosis."

"When I debate, I speak so kindly

red flowers fall out of my mouth!"

"A calm approach is always a key to a...

WIN!"

The Brunch

Four literary agents at Twitter have blocked me? Oye.

I feel I can be wacky and "batshit" and write my opinions

as I please... and I couldn't care less if all these agents

serve me up for brunch at a roast of jackasses.

Enjoy!

Internet Bonding

"I am loving how two people bonded

when running from my special brand of crazy."

Computer Obsessions

"I am obsessed with an issue and cannot stop

typing comments about it.

And, I keep typing the same thing over and over and over.

Call me Jack Torrance."

Brain Cred

"I was accepted into Mensa based on

the amount of people that blocked me on Twitter."

Web Analysis

"A chatter who never met me declared

I have no social boundaries and no grasp on reality!"

"Was that before or after I sang in the subway

dressed as Turanga Leela?"

Different Strokes

"I believe one person's "lunatic" can be another person's "role model."

Reverse Psychology

"A chatter called me 'stupid!'

I think it was a psychological device used to enable

her own self-esteem because she could not understand

my references to Riemann's Metric Tensor!"