Unsolicited Reviews

A review:

"I've been reading your cartoons.

I find them more bitter and sad than funny."

And my reply:

Roses are red and violets are blue,

You find my toons bitter and sad and not funny

Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

Booyah!

Channeling Shirley Temple

a repost:

"I was blacklisted? Oh, my!"

♫ ♫ "If something may upset you,

Don't ever let it get you down, ♫ ♫

♫ ♫ Don't wear a frown.

Just keep your chin up, ♫ ♫

♫ ♫ And give it a try,

And you'll find silver-lined clouds in the sky. ♫ ♫

♫ ♫ You gotta S-M-I-L-E

To be H-A double P-Y." ♫ ♫

- words by Mack Gordon, music by Harry Revel

Chat Positions

® WGAE

Channeling Baby Jane

® WGAE

In Beta

a repost:

THE CLASSICS, GROUP FIVE



® WGAE

Hide and Seek

"Yikes! Some nut in the chat room posted

my home address! I am hiding!"

marjorie and her imaginary friend

"I went to my therapist and brought my imaginary friend.

At the end of the session, he charged me double!"

Channeling a Literary Agent

"Let me open today's batch of E-mail queries!"

"This query has attachments!! What a freaking jerk!

This idiotic query has two misspelled words!

This nitwit sent a query written in chartreuse italic font!

This fool wrote 'alot' instead of 'a lot!'

This query includes 12 chapters of her memoir,

and I don't even rep memoirs!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

How many parts of stupid can I fit into one day?"

"Oh, here's a snail mail query!

Yikes, I opened it and fluorescent technicolor glitter

fell out all over my desk and on to my fresh bagel!

And it smells like perfume!"

"Some damn ignoramus posted a query in 3-D on YouTube!

May I ask where the glasses are?"

"I have to Twitter about these idiots.

These queries have given me a migraine.

I need some laughs! Let me begin a contest.

I found an old Bobbsey Twins book I will give as a prize."

"After looking at these stupid queries all day,

I need... a hyperbaric chamber."

A Visit to the Dentist

"Quick! Turn on your Skype.

I just came from having my teeth cleaned at the dentist's office.

Look! I think I bled enough to feed Dracula for a year!

What's up with that?"

An Admired Characteristic

"I finally realized in life I need a stronger dose

of the trait all people in power love: the brown nose!

I will internalize and practice this admired characteristic.

It couldn't hurt. I can brown nose with the best of them.

Watch! A little bit wider, please!"

An Inevitable Morph

"But you see in dealing with me,

the literary agents didn't know

that they were dealing with a staunch character

and I tell you if there's anything worse

than dealing with a staunch woman... S-T-A-U-N-C-H.

There's nothing worse, I'm telling you.

They don't weaken, no matter what."

Channeling Zorba

"I had to channel Zorba.

He has my philosophy!

Zorba: Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.

You've got everthing except one thing: madness!

A man needs a little madness, or else...

Basil: Or else?

Zorba: he never dares cut the rope and be free."

Celebrate Your Crazy

"A forum keeps telling me I have my own special brand of crazy.

Another forum said I am nuts and they called me a wacko.

And I have been called a fruitcake.

What's wrong with crazy? Get crazy!

I say... celebrate your crazy!"

Channeling Larry David

"Look at me, I morphed into Larry David!

He thinks HE has OCD?

I am OCD Patient Zero!

And I feel pretty pretty pretty pretty good!"

Channeling Mona Lisa

"Wow, I don't think I look like Mona Lisa in this morph.

I look more like Morticia Addams.

Maybe Bebe Neuwirth needs an understudy.

Ya think? "

Channeling for a Writing Contest

"I channeled so I could pay an homage to writing contests for book giveaways on the internet. The ARCS for my book, "The Clue in the Fangs," are here and I have 10 copies to give away. Write a story, 100 words or fewer or less, using these words:

heuristic

Gidget

gongoozler

ranarium

da shiznit

dawg

tuchus

Hollywood Ten

Bonus points if you can include this phrase: "Button candy gets me high." Extra bonus points for entries that are posted in invisible ink.

The contest starts NOW. Please post entries in the comments section."

(This contest is for fun and is a parody.... please note: no books will be rewarded)